I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
