we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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