I want to have your abortion
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
