You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
