I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
