bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you traded sex for a burrito?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
