dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
