I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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