Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
