I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
