Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
