Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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