He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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