Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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