This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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