Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
