I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
