I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
