they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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