a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
