Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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