Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
