I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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