This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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