My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
