I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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