my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The beer is more important than you right now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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