Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
