Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
