Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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