I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
