Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
