Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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