the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
don't judge my taste in strippers
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
