Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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