Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
