Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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