Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
