I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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