I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
