I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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