i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
