I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
