You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
