Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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