would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm too high and old for this...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
