Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
