happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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