i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
