Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
