Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
