It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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