Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
